An Open Letter to Correos

Dear Spanish Mail Service:

We are writing this open letter principally because you will not answer the phone when we call. We also know that if we were to send you a letter, well, everyone knows what you like to do to letters. You destroy them. Especially when they are directed to “Atención al cliente” or “Reclamaciones del cliente.” So go ahead and admit it. You hate delivering packages and letters.

Anyway, we wanted to write you a note of thanks for destroying all of our books. We also wanted to express our disappointment for the way that you lied when you said that you tried to deliver our boxes of books on Monday morning. We were at home when you supposedly tried to deliver the boxes, so we know that you were lying when you wrote us that note saying that you could not deliver them directly. We also want you to know that my aunt really enjoyed her experience at your Majadahonda branch when she went to pick up our packages yesterday. Do you know that your big mail trucks were parked in front of the office so no one could park there? My cousin wants you to know that he particularly enjoyed bringing the boxes out of your basement office one by one. If you can imagine this scenario, you will perhaps understand why we are writing you this open letter:

The scenario: It is raining. Our aunt and cousin go to your fine Majadahonda branch to pick up five boxes of books that we mailed from South Bend, Indiana, on July 31^st, 2006. Your trucks are obstructing the customer parking spots, so my aunt drops my cousin off and swings around the block to find a place to park. My cousin goes downstairs to claim the boxes, but you do not have a hand truck for your customers to use. So he brings box #1 upstairs and out onto the street, where my aunt is waiting in the car. He puts box #1 in the trunk, and my aunt goes around the block again. He comes out with box #2 and waits for my aunt to come around the block again. He puts box #2 in the trunk, and my aunt goes back around the block. And so on with boxes #3, #4, and #5. I want you to know that we love my aunt and my cousin for what they have done for us. I want you to know that we hate you for what you have done to them. You and your bright yellow mailboxes that no one can find. You and your wee little yellow hand carts and your “avisos legales.”

To conclude, we wish to express our deep disappointment at your desultory devotion to mail delivery and for your single-minded dedication to the destruction of our parcels. You are a shining yellow example of just how poorly a government agency can function. You are, in a word, funcionarios of failure.

Sincerely,

Amagomundi