Happy Holidays, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ohio Turnpike

We had a really great combination ThanksgivingChristmas in Buffalo. The Thanksgiving part featured the traditional roasted turkey, stuffing, potatoes and all the delicious things you tend to associate with the holiday. It was delicious, although we missed Uncle Tommy, who was in the hospital with a leg infection. (He asked the doctor if he could just come in on Monday, so as not to miss Thanksgiving dinner, but the doctor replied, "Only if you want to lose the leg." We only include this information because it indicates exactly what kind of event will keep Uncle Tommy away from Gramma Jo's delicious cooking.)

For the Christmas part of the weekend, which we celebrated on Saturday night, we enjoyed a beef burgundy that can only be described as sublime (thanks again to Gramma Jo). Those who were unfortunate enough to witness firsthand Zatoichi's horrible gas can thank the broccoli, which seems to have that effect on him. He apologizes to all those affected.

On our way home, we enjoyed this scenario, which has inspired our clever title for today's blog:

10:37am, "This is a [dang] record! We packed up the car and are ready to leave by 11:00am! That never happens anymore! Now let's not forget the baby! Maybe we'll make it home before dark!"

5:30pm, "Wow! We are making really good time! We even had time to stop for breastfeeding in Pennsylvania!"

5:31pm, "Wow, it's starting to snow!"

5:32pm, "Boy, where did this traffic come from? It must be for the Ohio Turnpike tollbooths, which are coming up in 3 miles."

5:33pm, "Man, Benjamin just dropped a deuce. Did you hear that?"

5:34pm, "WHAAAAHHHHHH! WHAAAAHHHHH!"

5:40pm, "He pooped again."

5:41pm, "It's bumper to bumper as far as the eye can see, all the way to the toll booths!"

5:42pm, "WHAAAAHHHHHH! WHAAAAHHHHH!"

5:43pm, "WHAAAAHHHHHH! WHAAAAHHHHH!"

6:30pm, "They shouldn't be allowed to charge money for this. I can't believe how many cars are. This is essentially a 3-mile-long line!"

6:31pm, "WHAAAAHHHHHH! WHAAAAHHHHH!"

6:32pm, "I think we should probably stop at Burger King to change the baby's diaper."

6:33pm, [Having gone into the Burger King bathroom and seen the line of 14 waiting for a stall] "Let's change the baby in the car."

6:44pm, "WHAAAAHHHHHH! WHAAAAHHHHH!"

6:47pm, "WHAAAAHHHHHH! WHAAAAHHHHH!"

7:00pm, [Baby sleeps]

8:15pm, "WHAAAAHHHHHH! WHAAAAHHHHH!"

8:44pm, "It's nice to be home."