Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Here's to Even-toed Ungulates

For as long as we can remember, the Desert Bighorn has been our favorite even-toed ungulate. All too predictably, the elk and the mule deer are tied for a close second. But the elk and the deer will never surpass the elegance and savoir faire of the Desert Bighorn, that prince of ungulates and king among artiodactyla.

When it comes to the rodentia family, we must certainly favor the northern pocket gopher. What a splendid rodent he is, indeed. His glory is only rivaled by the Chisel-toothed Kangaroo Rat who enjoys his proud sovereignty over sandy areas in lower elevations.

My greatest regret was stepping inadvertantly on a golden-mantled ground squirrel in the late summer of 2000. His regal coat glistened in the sun as he breathed his last little breaths. I wept for him and his brethren who no doubt yearned for him on that fateful afternoon. This blog is dedicated to Nervous Jervis and all golden-mantled ground squirrels who have been squashed accidentally by careless unpredicable humans.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Peter the Blog Grinch: "The 'blog revolution' is a media fabrication"

"Until I can load up a blog page and actually taste a double- double, the internet will only be good for travel planning and paying bills."

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Big Shrimp

Alaska Spot prawns are acclaimed for their B12 vitamin content, subtly sweet flavor, and firm texture. Not only are these prawns delectable, but they are huge. The giant of shrimp, Alaska spot prawns can reach sizes of an impressive robust 7" long. Perfect for a tasty stir-fry, dipped in lemon butter, or whatever concoction strikes your fancy, Alaska spot prawns are a connoisseur's alternative to the ubiquitous Asian farm-raised shrimp.

Quite unfortunately out of stock at Conservation Salmon dot com.

Ducks are the New Chickens

Chicken lovers be warned: The usual sources indicate that ducks are the new chickens for 2006.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Bear Safety

If you encounter a bear, do not run. Bears can run over 30 miles per hour, or 44 feet per second, which is much faster than Olympic sprinters. Running may elicit an attack from otherwise non-aggressive bears. If the bear is unaware of you, take a detour away from the bear. If the bear is aware of you and nearby, but has not acted aggressively, slowly back away.

Tree climbing to avoid bears is popular advice but not very practical in many circumstances. All black bears, all grizzly cubs, and some adult grizzlies can climb trees. Running to a tree may provoke an otherwise uncertain bear to chase you.

Some bears will bluff their way out of a threatening situation by charging, then veering off or stopping abruptly at the last second. Bear experts generally recommend standing still until the bear stops and then slowly backing away. If a bear makes physical contact, drop to the ground, lie face down, and clasp your hands behind your neck. It may take all the courage you have, but lie still and remain silent. Resistance will only provoke the bear. Before moving, listen and look around carefully to make sure the bear is no longer nearby.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Monsters and Minor Deities

Another nice thing to do in Los Angeles is visit the Getty Villa in Malibu (the Regular Getty is very nice, too, and you can go to In N Out afterward. There's one on Sunset). But when you go to the Getty Villa you can either enjoy a double double beforehand, have one of those nice fish tacos that I told you about earlier (at Malibu Seafood), or you can just show up and have a fine meal with wine at the cafe. It overlooks the amphitheater and, in the distance, the Pacific Ocean. My favorite ocean.
And then, after lunch and a glass of wine, you can go see some fine sculpture with your fine wife.
Zoom in there and contemplate the ancient origins of modern yoga. This is broken toe pose:
Walk at a leisurely pace through the gardens.
Later, you might enjoy the monsters and minor deities.
Some folks really like a tour. I mean really, really love a tour.
It says a lot about the Getty staff that they leave books in the "Odyssey Room" for nerds to read. Specifically, you can read the Odyssey or the Illiad while Homer looks down on you.